Reflecting on 2010

68 posts in 2008, 104 in 2009 and…24 in 2010 (most of which came in the first half). Why? Because I tend not to blog about negative things. Because I’ve been afraid posting bad news seems like I’m complaining. Because I’ve been afraid talking about it means I’m weak. These last few weeks I’ve come to realize that I am weak. These last few weeks I’ve come to realize that being weak that isn’t a character flaw, a detriment, or even something to be ashamed of. In fact, we need to realize how weak we are. [I attribute that realization to studying the Beatitudes, and prayer and grace in the bible dictionary.]

I’d be lying if I said I was sad to see 2010 go. At the first of last year I told Jon that I felt like we had been too blessed and that something big was coming. I started listing things that could go wrong (miscarriage, baby not healthy, death in family, etc.). I gave him a list a mile long. He told me that I couldn’t live looking at life like that. He said that I needed to live so that my testimony was strong enough to handle anything that came along. At first I was offended because I felt he was suggesting that my testimony was weak and that I was going to falter at the slightest trial. With some sincere prayer I realized what he was saying. I realized I wasn’t nourishing my testimony like I should. I realized that being faithful in my church attendance, diligent in my calling and honest in my tithes and offerings wasn’t enough. I wasn’t nourishing my testimony like I should. My personal scripture study was hit and miss. My personal prayers lacked conviction. I didn’t feel like I was ever getting the spiritual rejuvenation I so desperately needed. I realized he was right and I needed to step it up. I’m glad I did because that is when things got hard, and they haven’t seemed to let up any.

Breastfeeding gives one a lot of time to think. Reflect. As I was reflecting on last year I thought about losing my 2 remaining grandpas in 6 months. I’ve spent a ton of time worrying about Taelyn and Brayden. Brayden will have to have a minor out-patient surgery this summer. It isn’t a huge issue, but it is surgery-and that scares me. Taelyn has a lump in her armpit. We don’t know what it is. She’s had blood work done twice and chest x-rays. On top of that, she has been losing weight. Have you seen the kid? She doesn’t have weight to lose. Mostly I’ve been thinking about my family. Aching. I go over the 2 a.m. phone conversation I had with him the week after he announced he was leaving. He said that “mixed families are too hard”. I’m still not sure what that means. I pray daily that it doesn’t mean that he isn’t going to be part of my children’s lives…my life. One feeding session I was thinking about the year and the trials I felt were heaping up. Then I realized how many things I had forgotten to add to the heap. Kidney stone. Being rushed into surgery to remove it. A breast cancer scare. The hemolytic disease risk. 8 weeks without hot water. Things that had seemed so large at the time no longer made the list.

When we were home over Christmas a family friend approached Jon and I at church. She asked how we were doing. My response was automatic; I told her that we were doing great. “Lair” she said. She’s right. It is easier for me to just not talk about it. It is easier to think that if I ignore it, it will go away. It’s not healthy, nor is it productive. My goal is to get back to blogging. To blog about the good things. To blog about the bad and sad things. Maybe it will help me to really move through this.

Daycare Fundraiser

Taelyn's daycare is doing a pizza fundraiser. We have committed to selling ten and have three to go. Click here to see the brochure. Fundraiser ends this Friday (11/5). If anyone is interested please call me or you can order online at www.pizzakits.com. Fundraiser ID is 215067.
Products will be delivered mid-November and we are willing to bring any to the Basin the next time we are out (probably after Thanksgiving).

Thanks much!!!!

BRAYDEN GARY

This email is slow in coming. Sorry about that!!

Brayden Gary was born on 10/22/10 @ 8:08 a.m. He weighed 8 lbs 6 oz and was 21".

I don't have the professional photos yet, but they can be viewed here. Click on "view photos" and 1022(plus babies first and last name all lower case) for the password.

I wish I had time to arrange the photos, but Brayden thinks he is starving to death. There are lots of Brayden and Tae. She loves him so much and always wants to hold him, except she wants to hold him by herself. She always says "take a picture mama!"

Poor Brayden sometimes feels too loved by Tae (look closely at this next pic):
When we swaddle him, Tae calls it a Brayden Taco. She likes to have "two tacos".
Brayden and his Great-Grandma Sylvia.
My pride and joy:
Coming home from the hospital:
At the hospital:
More to come later!

My Mom is My Hero

My Mom has always been my hero-and not just because I'm so much like her. She has always been so willing to do anything for her children. She is the most fix-it-yourself person I know. She is determined. She always stands up for what she believes in. She is always willing to help others. She joys in the successes of others. She has mad sewing skills that no one can match (except for maybe my grandma-but I think it would be a close match!). She always goes out of her way to lend her sewing talent to do projects for others, even when it's not convenient for her. She loves to fish and hunt. She knows how to pull a calf. She is a hard worker. She laughs a lot. She knows how to have fun. She always calls me when I need it most. She loves being a grandmother and makes Taelyn feel so special. She expresses her love often, both verbally and in her actions. She tells us often that she is proud of us.

Lately I've learned how strong and selfless she is. These last 2 1/2 weeks have been some of the hardest that my family has ever faced. When my dad left, we struggled. My mom has been so strong. She hasn't been bitter or angry toward my dad. She has been very kind. That has impressed me most. It has made it so much easier for us kids to not be consumed with anger, bitterness or hate. Her testimony is stronger than I ever realized. She just keeps saying that she doesn't know what will happen, but every time she prays she feels peace. Her strength has made us stronger.

If I am ever a good mother, it is only because of the amazing example that I have had in my own mother.

4.0

Jon has finished another semester. This summer he took PSC 2600 (Annual & Perennial Plants) and PSC 4900 (Native Plants). He was a little embarrassed when I sent out a text about his 4.0. To make up for it, I'll throw it out there to the blogosphere!

Congrats Jon! Your hard work paid off!

This Old House

We've been without hot water for a full month now. I'm not proud, or angry. OK, that's totally a lie! I'm amazed that I've lasted this long. Unfortunately, I'm hitting the end of my rope.

A friend asked if I had a to-do list that I needed to get done before the baby comes. Anyone that knows me knows that I live on to-do lists. I even add things to my list that I've already accomplished that day so that I can see how productive my day has been. I may, or may not, also just enjoy starting a list with something already completed. It helps me to be motivated. Well, I haven't made a to-do list for...hmmm...about a month now. I tried to make a to-do list yesterday. I couldn't do it. Seriously. I attempted it several times. Then I cried.

Cousins

I honestly believe that this word is Taelyn's favorite word. We got some quality time with so many cousins during July.


The weekend of the 4th Jon's brother and his family came out. We were able to go to the zoo with them. It was a blast. Taelyn loved the animals, but the cousins made the trip even better.
I'm so glad these two are such good buddies! I had Tae's stroller, but they preferred to ride this way.

I was so glad my SIL was pregnant, too. The kids kept a pace that we could both manage.

I wish I could have gotten better carousel pictures, but by the time I started figuring my camera out, the ride was over.

We had so much fun that it wore Tae out. She slept so well under that wet blankey. I kept getting crazy looks from people for having her under a blanket, but it kept her nice and cool.

She woke up just in time for the train ride.

Don't let the face fool you, she enjoyed it!

For as short a ride as it is, it made me laugh that she couldn't stay in one spot the whole time.

The following week Jon had class up at Tony's grove. Because he didn't want to make the drive to Logan the morning of, we stayed with his sister and her family. They opted to go up for the day as well. I could see why Jon's last class was up there. The class was Native Plants and the flowers were amazing.I'm disappointed that these pictures are fuzzy. Apparently I need to remember to clean off the lens after letting Taelyn play with the camera.

These two had so much fun together. He kept telling his mom that Taelyn was his best friend.

The hike around the lake nearly did me in. It didn't help that it took so long because all the two little ones wanted to do was stop and throw rocks in.

Toward the end they both got tired.

Jon had class on his birthday, so we celebrated the day before. We took dinner and cake down to another of his sisters' house and spent the evening with them.

I wish I had taken more pictures. Unfortunately this starts my 2 week hiatus from the camera...

Taelyn wasn't too sure about getting close to Spike for a picture.While there she also learned to pedal a bike. She was so proud of herself.I'm including this picture because I'm so proud of those braids. It took a half an hour, but lasted for 3 days and I let it go wavy the 4th. Good time investment, I think.

Random Pictures from June

I'm never going to catch up if I don't do a massive card dump. Sorry!

This is the first and only time I have been able to talk Tae into licking the beaters. I had to lie and tell her it was just like a sucker. She liked it, so I think she'll forgive me.Can you tell that this little girl has a mother who plays the violin? She tried to play Taryn's guitar like this too.

She loves dandelions, but only after they go to seed. For some reason, she calls yellow dandelions by the correct name, but once they look like this they are called 'dinosaurs'. Don't ask me. She even knows what real dinosaurs look like.

On one of our trips home we helped my parents move the cows. She only rode with Grandma for 5 minutes before she decided she preferred being on the 4-wheeler with me.

And here is just a sample of how much like her daddy she is. She loved 'helping'. She slowed Jon down a little, but I know he enjoyed it just as much as she did.

Colton lived with us for a couple weeks while he was working in SLC and Shay was finishing up school in Cedar. Colton was trying to figure out how to get into the coconut and Tae insisted on helping. I tried to pick her some cool looking implements-of-destruction that could do no harm. She seemed content.
She might not forgive me for posting these, but I couldn't resist! She used to like to drink out of Jon's hand after brushing her teeth, but this is her new favorite method. I walked in on her like this and couldn't help but laugh.

And finally, once she figured out what gardening was, we couldn't talk her into letting Daddy plant the flowers on his own.

(not so friendly a tool...I should have given her the potato masher!)

For some reason she likes putting her feet between the posts on our porch. Because I'm so kind, I took pictures of her instead of helping her free herself.

I'll post pictures from July tomorrow. Until then, I'll feel like I've at least accomplished something on this long-neglected but not-so-forgotten blog.