The Good Things

So many good things have happened over the last few months. Because I've been so busy not talking (blogging) about the bad things, the good things have been skipped also. This is an attempt to remedy that and get back to posting.

Baby Blessing

Despite the craziness that happened that morning, we made it to the meeting and the blessing was beautiful. Thanks to all the family members who shared the special day with us.

The monkey toes are my favorite! They really are as long as they look. I love them.

Christmas

My camera wigged on these first few photos, but they were too cute to not include.
Taelyn started the morning in Taryn's bed. Everyone else was ready to get up before she was.

This year was so much fun. I loved experiencing Christmas through a child's eyes again. However, if I had known the candy canes were going to be her favorite thing, I could have saved myself a lot of time and stress. We were able to talk her into finally looking at other things. At this point my battery died (yes, I really know how to plan ahead) and my mom started taking pictures with her camera. I still haven't gotten copies from her.

Halloween

This is really slow in coming.

Grandma took Taelyn to buy a costume. They looked and looked and Taelyn insisted on the poke-a-dotted cow. It wasn't my favorite, but she couldn't have been happier. I need to send a huge THANK YOU to Malissa, who came up and took Taelyn to the ward trunk-or-treat so that Jon and I could stay home with Brayden. Taelyn had a blast!

Pumpkin Carving

The Fairy House

Tinkerbell is a big deal around our place. I need to get a picture of her fairy attire. One day Daddy had a little time on his hands, too many boxes, and the desire to impress his daughter (and impress her he did!). The pictures don't do this thing justice. It has two entrances, a tunnel, a closing window, a fancy window...and a heart shaped skylight.

I do have to add that periodically she takes her family reunion walking stick and beats on the boxes while yelling at the monsters to get out. Sometimes she tells them to go away and sometimes she tells them it is bed time.

The Circus

If the Halloween post was long overdue, I don't know what to call this!

We went to the circus back in September. I only took one picture of the actual act.

I had more fun taking Pictures of Taelyn. She was mesmorized. (I'm glad I took these when I did, because toward the end she was watching everything BUT the show. Apparently a 2-year-old doesn't have the attention span necessary for an entire performance...)

By the end she was beyond done. I really wanted to get a good picture, but she was ready to go home. Jon had to help her find her smile.

Visits from Taryn & Grandma

I wish I would take more pictures from these! My mom and Taryn have stayed with us several times. Taelyn love having them come (I'm sure it has nothing to do with the extra attention).

The next time we went to this store, Taelyn wanted to ride Pumba again. When I got ready to start it she told me I had to ride with her. Not. A. Chance.

Now whenever she finds quarters around the house she gets excited and says she'll put it in her purse so she can ride Pumba. When she finds dollar bills she gets really excited and yells "Now I can ride Pumba whole bunches of times!"

My Beautiful Daughter

As often as not, I look at Taelyn and think "What on Earth?". She makes us laugh so much. I need to record some of the funny things she says, but for now I'll leave you with these:
Why yes. Yes she is wearing her underwear on the outside of her pants. 4 pairs to be exact. And one sock. At least she has clothes on, right?

Reflecting on 2010

68 posts in 2008, 104 in 2009 and…24 in 2010 (most of which came in the first half). Why? Because I tend not to blog about negative things. Because I’ve been afraid posting bad news seems like I’m complaining. Because I’ve been afraid talking about it means I’m weak. These last few weeks I’ve come to realize that I am weak. These last few weeks I’ve come to realize that being weak that isn’t a character flaw, a detriment, or even something to be ashamed of. In fact, we need to realize how weak we are. [I attribute that realization to studying the Beatitudes, and prayer and grace in the bible dictionary.]

I’d be lying if I said I was sad to see 2010 go. At the first of last year I told Jon that I felt like we had been too blessed and that something big was coming. I started listing things that could go wrong (miscarriage, baby not healthy, death in family, etc.). I gave him a list a mile long. He told me that I couldn’t live looking at life like that. He said that I needed to live so that my testimony was strong enough to handle anything that came along. At first I was offended because I felt he was suggesting that my testimony was weak and that I was going to falter at the slightest trial. With some sincere prayer I realized what he was saying. I realized I wasn’t nourishing my testimony like I should. I realized that being faithful in my church attendance, diligent in my calling and honest in my tithes and offerings wasn’t enough. I wasn’t nourishing my testimony like I should. My personal scripture study was hit and miss. My personal prayers lacked conviction. I didn’t feel like I was ever getting the spiritual rejuvenation I so desperately needed. I realized he was right and I needed to step it up. I’m glad I did because that is when things got hard, and they haven’t seemed to let up any.

Breastfeeding gives one a lot of time to think. Reflect. As I was reflecting on last year I thought about losing my 2 remaining grandpas in 6 months. I’ve spent a ton of time worrying about Taelyn and Brayden. Brayden will have to have a minor out-patient surgery this summer. It isn’t a huge issue, but it is surgery-and that scares me. Taelyn has a lump in her armpit. We don’t know what it is. She’s had blood work done twice and chest x-rays. On top of that, she has been losing weight. Have you seen the kid? She doesn’t have weight to lose. Mostly I’ve been thinking about my family. Aching. I go over the 2 a.m. phone conversation I had with him the week after he announced he was leaving. He said that “mixed families are too hard”. I’m still not sure what that means. I pray daily that it doesn’t mean that he isn’t going to be part of my children’s lives…my life. One feeding session I was thinking about the year and the trials I felt were heaping up. Then I realized how many things I had forgotten to add to the heap. Kidney stone. Being rushed into surgery to remove it. A breast cancer scare. The hemolytic disease risk. 8 weeks without hot water. Things that had seemed so large at the time no longer made the list.

When we were home over Christmas a family friend approached Jon and I at church. She asked how we were doing. My response was automatic; I told her that we were doing great. “Lair” she said. She’s right. It is easier for me to just not talk about it. It is easier to think that if I ignore it, it will go away. It’s not healthy, nor is it productive. My goal is to get back to blogging. To blog about the good things. To blog about the bad and sad things. Maybe it will help me to really move through this.